I had an unexpected opportunity to talk with an (almost?) open-minded Christian pastor frankly about religion and faith. He seemed unperturbed by my lack of observance, and though he sought an opening to "witness" to me, he also seemed to understand my own expression of faith, as well as I articulated it, anyway.
He described how he became a Christian after a college classmate told him about Jesus. He said at the time he was aimless, smoked too much, and did too many drugs, but that after he accepted Christ, he experienced a true miracle and was able to let his addictions go that very moment. I agreed that it was indeed a miracle, and thought about how having such a deep spiritual experience could help us "let go" of whatever has us tripped up.
I explained my own philosophies, that I don't think there is any one spiritual path to follow, and that however anyone finds peace is acceptable to me (and I presume to "God"). He countered with a metaphor of a mountain, with God at the top, and all these various spiritual paths up the mountain all leading to God. Then he asked me to imagine that God sent Jesus down to the people to help on this one path, which is what makes it unique.
I said I just don't think of God at the top of the mountain, or separate from me, or anyone, that I think of God as the mountain itself, all of us and all of those paths, and everything else too, so that all one needs do to "get close" to God is recognize that. That scientists recognize it as the smallest measures of energy, that vibration that everything is composed of, even if they don't see it as spirit, that's what it is. That the energy I've felt in a church service, or a choral concert, or a yoga class, or a group meditation, are all the same, and I think what he felt that day he became a Christian, and whenever he leads his congregation, are that same energy.
Then he asked THE question: What about evil? What about consequences? I explained I didn't think there is hell/heaven the way Christianity interprets it, and that evil exists so that we recognize good. He actually agreed that it may not be the way we read it in the Bible or explain it in Sunday School, but what about having to examine your life/sins, would that not be hell itself? I agreed that it may be, but that I think when we die, we re-enter the spirit/energy world (of love) and even if we examine the evil we may have done, there are no consequences save maybe for being that much further from not having to again return to the non-spirit world, but that it isn't torturous and there is no judgment from some higher power. Though I realize my own theory may be just that, theory, and that actually it remains a mystery to all of us until we get there.
He asked me what I thought about Jesus and the Bible then. I said I thought the authors were inspired of course but that any interpretation comes through their human perspective, and that Jesus was simply an example of what anyone is capable of, finding a very high level of spiritual maturity, but that those who witnessed it simply did not understand this, and took him to be extra-special. Also I explained that many of the ethical/moral principles were logical and perfectly reasonable without needing to be commanded by God, and that those which exist within most religions also exist outside of them. I don't think he knew what to say about this one.
He invited me to come to Saturday evening's Easter Service, which I declined based on my play schedule, but of course, the last thing I intend ever to do with a Saturday evening is go to church, even if the youth pastor is open-minded and kind of cute.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
"Moments of Weakness"
I'm in a local play about a traditionally minded woman (I'm her) who learns her husband has been cheating on her. I find the title to be personally ironic.
It's pretty poorly written, the characters are all walking stereotypes, and the "point" seems to be that men are "born that way" but that doesn't excuse infidelity.
The playwright certainly "assumes" the perspective that it's a given that marriage implies monogamy, which then implies the "natural" way of men (namely, that they must "spread their seed") leads them to be unfaithful and thus this conundrum persists.
It all seems so... dated.
It's pretty poorly written, the characters are all walking stereotypes, and the "point" seems to be that men are "born that way" but that doesn't excuse infidelity.
The playwright certainly "assumes" the perspective that it's a given that marriage implies monogamy, which then implies the "natural" way of men (namely, that they must "spread their seed") leads them to be unfaithful and thus this conundrum persists.
It all seems so... dated.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Gratitude
I've been struggling with some resentful feelings left with me after a mostly peaceful, amicable, and even loving, divorce. The anger that I poured my heart and energy into someone else, unconditionally supporting his dreams and desires, until the burden of that overwhelmed my own, only to be "starting over" with nothing (nothing tangible) to show for it, sticks with me. Knowing that he doesn't even regard my feelings here even having merit, without any expressed appreciation for all of that energy and support or even acknowledgment that the burden of it is what eventually ruined us, coupled with my observation (admittedly from afar) that he now is carrying his own weight (emotionally and physically) in a new relationship, which I always knew he was capable of, really just pisses me off.
So I've been trying to find a way to let go of that. A friend suggested to remember everything I do have to show for the time, so I'm starting with this list of things I am grateful for that came from my marriage (not my divorce)...
1. I learned how to express love, even in difficult, conflicted times.
2. I'm a confident, adventurous lover, if a bit limited in experience. The emotional safety of my marriage allowed me to explore my sexuality, and I don't have much difficulty expressing my needs or responding to my partner's.
3. I know a lot more music trivia than if I had not been married to a musical encyclopedia.
4. I have a deep appreciation for film that I'm not sure I would have without being inspired by the passion my former spouse expressed.
5. I am easy to live with, generally.
6. I'm someone's favorite aunt.
7. I know what I need from my relationships, and what I don't need; what I can tolerate, and what I find irritating.
8. I made many close friends through my former spouse, whether directly or indirectly.
9. I returned to doing theatre, which I always loved in high school but had given up along the way. It was helping with his shows that gave me back the "bug."
That's what I can think of for now, I'll add more as I think of them.
So I've been trying to find a way to let go of that. A friend suggested to remember everything I do have to show for the time, so I'm starting with this list of things I am grateful for that came from my marriage (not my divorce)...
1. I learned how to express love, even in difficult, conflicted times.
2. I'm a confident, adventurous lover, if a bit limited in experience. The emotional safety of my marriage allowed me to explore my sexuality, and I don't have much difficulty expressing my needs or responding to my partner's.
3. I know a lot more music trivia than if I had not been married to a musical encyclopedia.
4. I have a deep appreciation for film that I'm not sure I would have without being inspired by the passion my former spouse expressed.
5. I am easy to live with, generally.
6. I'm someone's favorite aunt.
7. I know what I need from my relationships, and what I don't need; what I can tolerate, and what I find irritating.
8. I made many close friends through my former spouse, whether directly or indirectly.
9. I returned to doing theatre, which I always loved in high school but had given up along the way. It was helping with his shows that gave me back the "bug."
That's what I can think of for now, I'll add more as I think of them.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Lunch
I haven't been up for much grocery shopping lately. I know, I know, how odd that someone who loves to cook, who even makes a (tiny) profit from it occasionally, would have bouts of "I just don't know what to make!" Well, I did make caprese (again) the other night which required a short trip to Ward's. I bought too many tomatoes, which inspired my lunch today.
Doc had cilantro and half a lime left in my fridge from his guacamole, and I had impulsively bought dandelion greens (when I went for tomatoes) for salad, so I put this together for lunch and I must say, it was really delicious. I have leftover pesto too, so I may use it for something else tonight!
Random things from fridge wrap:
Cilantro pesto:
bunch of cilantro
walnuts
couple small pieces red onion
1/2 a lime, squeezed
splash of balsamic vinegar
salt and pepper
olive oil
I whirred it around in my mini-processor and tasted it a couple times, adding more oil and cilantro to balance the lime. Once it was right, I slathered a flour tortilla with it, arranged sliced tomatoes on top of the pesto, sprinkled shredded cheddar and swiss (pre-shredded and left over from quiche last week) over that, layered some sour cream and dandelion leaves on top, burrito-rolled it, and ate it.
I was so hungry that I didn't even wait to take a photo.
It was so. good.
Doc had cilantro and half a lime left in my fridge from his guacamole, and I had impulsively bought dandelion greens (when I went for tomatoes) for salad, so I put this together for lunch and I must say, it was really delicious. I have leftover pesto too, so I may use it for something else tonight!
Random things from fridge wrap:
Cilantro pesto:
bunch of cilantro
walnuts
couple small pieces red onion
1/2 a lime, squeezed
splash of balsamic vinegar
salt and pepper
olive oil
I whirred it around in my mini-processor and tasted it a couple times, adding more oil and cilantro to balance the lime. Once it was right, I slathered a flour tortilla with it, arranged sliced tomatoes on top of the pesto, sprinkled shredded cheddar and swiss (pre-shredded and left over from quiche last week) over that, layered some sour cream and dandelion leaves on top, burrito-rolled it, and ate it.
I was so hungry that I didn't even wait to take a photo.
It was so. good.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Hostel in the Forest and the Veggie Bus Tour
February 20, 2011
We arrived yesterday, my boyfriend and I, and were greeted by smiling souls and pointed in the direction of our "hut," the bamboo hut, a tree house just off the main area of the Hostel. When we got up there, it became clear that the previous night's guest had not gone yet. No nap just yet, then. It was well though, because after putting our things in one corner, we set off to explore the hostel. We found the kitchen and more happy people, and put our contributions in the refrigerator. We sat by the lake, kissing.
While walking about, we were unexpectedly beckoned to join the "veggie bus tour." "Are we going somewhere, does the Hostel have a bus?," I thought, but, since we could not yet nap, we followed along, until we came to the "topsy turvy bus," pictured here:
(picture from the Teva Learning Center's website)
It was quite a sight! Jonathan and his crew from the Teva Learning Center explained to us that the bus was originally created by Tom Kennedy and his crew of "car artists" and commissioned by Ben Cohen, of Ben and Jerry's fame, to highlight government spending on defense vs. education, and how it should be "flipped." The bus was then acquired by the "White House Organic Farm Project" who lobbied to have the front lawn of the White House (all grass :( ) turned into an organic farm. Then the Obamas came and Michelle made a back yard into an organic garden where the first family gets a lot of their food. :) The Project tried to sell the bus, but couldn't, so they donated it the the Teva Learning Center, a Jewish Ecological Education center based in the Northeast. Jonathan, a project coordinator for TLC, converted the bus to run on vegetable oil, hired a crew, and the Veggie Bus Tour was born. Jonathan explained how they acquire waste oil from restaurants willing to give it to them, pump it into first a storage tank, then into a centrifuge filtering system, and then to the engine. The bus gets about eight miles per gallon, but with the extra large tanks filled, they can go up to 800 miles without stopping. They provide education about alternative fuels and other ecologically sound practices to children and adults at Jewish schools, centers, synagogues, etc. around the country. We're hoping and trying to arrange for a pass through Gainesville on their way back up Florida (they're heading to West Palm Beach this week).
Jonathan and Doc
After sitting in the bus, we met the young woman who had not yet left our hut. She had moved her things to the outside, which allowed us to make the bed and take a long afternoon nap in the sun-warmed hut. It was lovely, and we woke near dinner time, so we headed down and joined the folks around the fire, listening to stories and chatting like new friends do. I hula-hooped and thought about the uniqueness of the Hostel, and hoped for more places of peace (both between the humans passing through and/or living there and with the Earth) like it.
View from our hut
Inside the hut
After a delicious vegetarian dinner and helping wash dishes (there were about 35 of us there for dinner), I saw Gwen (who is in law school in Florida) hula-hooping with her hoop on fire. She's very graceful and the hoop appears to move around her without her effort. This was quite a sight, as well. After more fire chats, songs, and a skit by the veggie bus crew, we retire (early?) to the Bamboo hut. I brought an electric blanket from home, and I'm glad, for the sun has set and the hut is no longer warm. We make love before drifting to sleep, only to be awakened many many times by a confused rooster crowing all night! I thought they only crowed at dawn? Next time, ear plugs!
In the morning, I was aware of my discomfort being naked outdoors, even though the shower faces the woods and is quite private. Even if I could be seen, what would be the harm? I know this intellectually, but have been conditioned to these feelings. Fighting it, I enjoy the hot water which warms me only while I'm under it. The air is still quite chilly at about 9:00 am.
Returning to the hut, I see my companion is awake and we chat awhile before going to make a breakfast of bagels, Hostel eggs, over medium, and coffee. I use the last of the coffee but share by pouring small cups for all who want some. I will bring a pound of Sweetwater from Gainesville the next time I return. While chatting with another visitor, we learn of the great oak tree and nearby hammock. After packing up our things, we find it and laze a spell before heading to the beach for the afternoon.
Hammock near the oak
We arrived yesterday, my boyfriend and I, and were greeted by smiling souls and pointed in the direction of our "hut," the bamboo hut, a tree house just off the main area of the Hostel. When we got up there, it became clear that the previous night's guest had not gone yet. No nap just yet, then. It was well though, because after putting our things in one corner, we set off to explore the hostel. We found the kitchen and more happy people, and put our contributions in the refrigerator. We sat by the lake, kissing.
While walking about, we were unexpectedly beckoned to join the "veggie bus tour." "Are we going somewhere, does the Hostel have a bus?," I thought, but, since we could not yet nap, we followed along, until we came to the "topsy turvy bus," pictured here:
It was quite a sight! Jonathan and his crew from the Teva Learning Center explained to us that the bus was originally created by Tom Kennedy and his crew of "car artists" and commissioned by Ben Cohen, of Ben and Jerry's fame, to highlight government spending on defense vs. education, and how it should be "flipped." The bus was then acquired by the "White House Organic Farm Project" who lobbied to have the front lawn of the White House (all grass :( ) turned into an organic farm. Then the Obamas came and Michelle made a back yard into an organic garden where the first family gets a lot of their food. :) The Project tried to sell the bus, but couldn't, so they donated it the the Teva Learning Center, a Jewish Ecological Education center based in the Northeast. Jonathan, a project coordinator for TLC, converted the bus to run on vegetable oil, hired a crew, and the Veggie Bus Tour was born. Jonathan explained how they acquire waste oil from restaurants willing to give it to them, pump it into first a storage tank, then into a centrifuge filtering system, and then to the engine. The bus gets about eight miles per gallon, but with the extra large tanks filled, they can go up to 800 miles without stopping. They provide education about alternative fuels and other ecologically sound practices to children and adults at Jewish schools, centers, synagogues, etc. around the country. We're hoping and trying to arrange for a pass through Gainesville on their way back up Florida (they're heading to West Palm Beach this week).
Jonathan and DocAfter sitting in the bus, we met the young woman who had not yet left our hut. She had moved her things to the outside, which allowed us to make the bed and take a long afternoon nap in the sun-warmed hut. It was lovely, and we woke near dinner time, so we headed down and joined the folks around the fire, listening to stories and chatting like new friends do. I hula-hooped and thought about the uniqueness of the Hostel, and hoped for more places of peace (both between the humans passing through and/or living there and with the Earth) like it.
View from our hut
Inside the hutAfter a delicious vegetarian dinner and helping wash dishes (there were about 35 of us there for dinner), I saw Gwen (who is in law school in Florida) hula-hooping with her hoop on fire. She's very graceful and the hoop appears to move around her without her effort. This was quite a sight, as well. After more fire chats, songs, and a skit by the veggie bus crew, we retire (early?) to the Bamboo hut. I brought an electric blanket from home, and I'm glad, for the sun has set and the hut is no longer warm. We make love before drifting to sleep, only to be awakened many many times by a confused rooster crowing all night! I thought they only crowed at dawn? Next time, ear plugs!
In the morning, I was aware of my discomfort being naked outdoors, even though the shower faces the woods and is quite private. Even if I could be seen, what would be the harm? I know this intellectually, but have been conditioned to these feelings. Fighting it, I enjoy the hot water which warms me only while I'm under it. The air is still quite chilly at about 9:00 am.
Returning to the hut, I see my companion is awake and we chat awhile before going to make a breakfast of bagels, Hostel eggs, over medium, and coffee. I use the last of the coffee but share by pouring small cups for all who want some. I will bring a pound of Sweetwater from Gainesville the next time I return. While chatting with another visitor, we learn of the great oak tree and nearby hammock. After packing up our things, we find it and laze a spell before heading to the beach for the afternoon.
Hammock near the oak
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
30. A picture of someone you miss
Shannon is one of my closest friends, and she moved to Ft. Lauderdale in the fall. We remain very close, but physical distance and busy schedules have not allowed us to see each other or even talk that frequently, and I miss going to Boca Fiesta with her. She, like me, is really an "in person" person, if you know what I mean, and even though we can keep up with one another online, nothing beats the real thing, with margaritas, of course.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
29. A picture that can always make you smile
The story behind this picture is what always makes me smile. Family vacation in 2007, my niece Audrey was about five, and we were all in the hot tub after swimming for a bit in the pool. Audrey, upon entering, sitting, and feeling the bubbles, exclaimed "this is sooooooo relaxing," and we all cracked up. Maybe you have to know her to understand, but she is the most humorous child I've ever known.
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