Other people's parties

There are people in the periphery of my life that wish I would just go away. I appear where they are and they wish I didn't, or they would like to leave but are too proud to do so, or they silently steam and then later attack me anonymously to others or on the internet. In these situations I try my best to go with the flow, be polite if interaction surfaces, have fun anyway, or leave if I need to. I wish for my former lovers and friends, and their current lovers and friends, happiness in their lives and the ability to let go of resentments. I have. Though I have places in my heart for everyone I have loved, and wish on some level they'd be comfortable relating to me in some small way, I do not need them to, nor do I seek it. Forgiveness is hard-won and worth the exchange, even if the dialogue is internal.

a poem

i fall in love without touching
a million words
a hundred or more looks
a secret heart grows slowly, imperceptibly,
unnoticed
until the outer shell shatters, leaving a larger heart,
and then there is nothing left to do but touch
but this new heart is so raw and swollen
the slightest touch leaves it quivering

today in local government

email conversation following back and forth and finally approval of the form used to submit my grant to the higher-ups for approval:

coworker: Where is the grant application to attach?
me: in your box :)
coworker: Thank you. Maybe I should get up and look.
me: That made me laugh, which I needed. Thanks. :)

I cracked up at my desk. yup.

Attraction

What draws us to others is something in them that helps us express something in us. Our friends, lovers, "soul mates," all represent parts of us we want to express more (or less, at times) of. So one may represent our desires for limitless freedom and unbridled passion, another our needs for devotion and stability, and another, and another...you get the idea.

It's important to keep the needs matched to the individuals you choose to meet them.

Lesson learned.