Setback

I've been inside my head a lot lately. Oh, sure, I seem to be as conversational as ever, an open book emotionally-speaking, but there's something happening here.

This last year has been full of new experiences, endless joy, excitement of new friendships together with the ease and comfort of old ones. I have grown more myself than ever, and yet...yesterday I was hiding.

I was just sad. A little teary here and there, feeling insecure, awkward, and uncomfortable. I couldn't articulate it yesterday, and I'm sure today, now that it has passed, won't be much different. I let it flow through, as suggested by someone whose perspective I admire, though he'd wish for no admiration. I appreciate that he noticed.

I realize days like these make for appreciating the better ones, but I have this drive to get to the bottom of things.

I love intensely, and deeply, and I think I've been spreading it around too much to be reciprocated. I've needed friends to listen, to lean on, and I know I have them. I'm so grateful for that, but so hesitant to ask. Then I'm disappointed when my mind is not read and no one comes to the rescue.

On top of that, I write this and set it out into the world, and expect that no one is reading it except the one who doesn't really need to.

Fire

flirt
dance
circle, sparkle
my mind wanders, wonders where the edge is.
my fingers speak silently,
daring not share
what I already have.
knowing I shouldn't, but wanting
there is danger here.
I cannot be trusted to follow rules
I did not make them.
We did not make them.

I show my self.
Would we crumble?
we tease,
we joke.
we don't.

Have You Ever...

Have You Ever...

Over at From Skilled Hands, Debra asks,
“Have you ever…?”

Bold the things you’ve done and will admit to.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars (in a tent)
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (from inside through the windows)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise (not a real one...just an evening on a cruiseboat with my high school class)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (some of mine are from VA)
35. Seen an Amish community (I'm not counting seeing them downtown shopping)
36. Taught yourself a new language (do video courses count?)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (but I was never a girl scout!)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades (don't know if "tour" is the right word)
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Does Debbie Boone count?)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

How about you?