Good Fight

After I had gone to bed last night, but before I fell asleep, my lover came home from his adventures with friends. I asked what they had done and if he had fun, and his reply left me with mild disappointment that I was not present for all the adventures.

Now, we are both independent creatures, and want for each other to have fun and exciting adventures with or without the other. My expression to him of my disappointment was met with flippant dismissal, due to this very fact. It hurt my feelings and made me feel ridiculous for feeling the mild disappointment, and I let him know that it was not the appropriate response.

He said he wouldn’t take responsibility for my disappointment and felt I was asking him to with my expression of it. He felt flippancy was not disrespectful and his intention was never to hurt my feelings. I said I didn’t need him to take responsibility, but that I would like comfort or just a statement that it would have been nice if I had been there, rather than a reply that made me feel foolish. I said that in the same situation, I would have wanted him to be with me. He replied that our lives are more intertwined than he has ever experienced in a romantic relationship before, and his independent nature would be threatened had I a need to share every aspect of his life. I replied that I had no such need, and that in the reverse situation, I would want him there not to share every part of my life, but that my desire is to always share “the best” parts. With that I won the argument and he said (after congratulating me for winning :)) he would be more diligent about not being dismissive when I need him to be soothing. 

Neither of us ran from the argument, neither became hysterical or irrational, and we expressed our feelings and intentions and corrected misunderstandings as we talked. It was a minor argument, which gave us an opportunity to strengthen our bond. I am grateful for it and hope every argument is as nice.