You may have noticed some time has passed since my last entry. I'm sure it isn't because I have nothing to say, it isn't because I'm just so busy (playing scrabulous), or because I have stopped thinking about myself.
I have a pattern of becoming interested in doing something, then either doing it for only a short time (think exercise programs, myspace, food journals, etc,) before I either stop completely or just gradually do less, or I plan to do it forever and never or rarely actually start (think learning to use the sewing machine sitting in my dining room or selling my jewelry work). I am trying to stick to riding my bicycle. I am really quite proud of myself for riding to work several times and actually doing so whenever it's plausible.
But, why do I do this? It isn't really a "lazy" streak, as I like to call it, or depression, or because I take too long considering the financial costs or environmental impacts of my actions, although sometimes those are factors. Maybe it is fear of failure. I do have a need to do things I feel confident at. But also I like to try new things, and I like the process of learning and being challenged by something. So what gives? Am I concerned I just won't be good at sewing? It takes practice, I'm sure, but it would give me freedom from tailors if I could do it well. Or is it (as well as lots of other things) just not that important to me, as a close friend used to suggest? Or do I need to stop analyzing myself to death and just decide to start doing something already?
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6 comments:
I found out years ago that sometimes, if I found a new burning interest or project I was passionate about, I'd NOT tell anyone else about it!
That way, it always felt like a "secret," which made it much more appealing and, which usually ended up keeping the excitement factor alive.
But trust me, I've started/stopped about 50 things this year so I totally understand!
http://www.lovestevie.net
As I have learned already, a fear of failure run in our family. I think I've somewhat conquered... I really don't fear failure anymore. Sure I still fear other things, but I've found that I should be more confident in myself because I know I can do anything. I have that same confidence in you. So, to your question, YES. Stop analyzing everything so much and do something. What have you really got to lose? You can only gain confidence in yourself, learning that you can accomplish anything you want.
Stevie- Good idea! But then I'm only accountable to myself, and I maybe even less likely to start!
Juls- I completely agree that it runs in the family and that you have been able to get past it somewhat - thanks for the faith.
After watching the secret, for what it's worth, I think you shouldn't feel bad about starting something and stopping it. Who cares? Do it as long as you want to, and then stop when you want to, and move on to the next thing without judgment. Sometimes when I free myself from the self-judgment, I find that I start to DO the thing more and more, because I secretly liked doing it, and I don't have the negative parent nagging me anymore. But first you have to shut her off.
Hope that helps. Hug!
i wholeheartedly agree with trina, and i think what she offers here is not only true but very useful. but if, after you suspend judgement, you find yourself still puzzled as to why you just don't do the things you TRULY want to, i would suggest that perhaps your fear is not of failure but of success. reading your entry, i kept thinking of the quote from A Course in Miracles that Mandela used in his inauguration speech: "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure..." i don't think i could express my sentiment better than that.
T&K: I think you both are right and know me much better than I do sometimes.
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