I've been inside my head a lot lately. Oh, sure, I seem to be as conversational as ever, an open book emotionally-speaking, but there's something happening here.
This last year has been full of new experiences, endless joy, excitement of new friendships together with the ease and comfort of old ones. I have grown more myself than ever, and yet...yesterday I was hiding.
I was just sad. A little teary here and there, feeling insecure, awkward, and uncomfortable. I couldn't articulate it yesterday, and I'm sure today, now that it has passed, won't be much different. I let it flow through, as suggested by someone whose perspective I admire, though he'd wish for no admiration. I appreciate that he noticed.
I realize days like these make for appreciating the better ones, but I have this drive to get to the bottom of things.
I love intensely, and deeply, and I think I've been spreading it around too much to be reciprocated. I've needed friends to listen, to lean on, and I know I have them. I'm so grateful for that, but so hesitant to ask. Then I'm disappointed when my mind is not read and no one comes to the rescue.
On top of that, I write this and set it out into the world, and expect that no one is reading it except the one who doesn't really need to.
3 comments:
I'm sorry you felt that way. Anytime you wanna talk call me up and we'll have an emergency meeting at Maude's! You've always been there for me, now I'd like to be here for you! *hugs*
Cawl me, dah-link. Cawl me anytime.
Seriously, I know what it feels like to feel unreciprocated, and it sucks.
Much love to you - you are so wonderful.
Aw, thanks both of you!
I unfortunately had the comment notification sending to my old email and didn't see these until now!
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