You might know this already, but...

I recently got in touch with an old friend from my "super-christian" days. We've headed in very different directions; spiritually, physically, and politically; but still have been able to find a little common ground based on our old affection for each other.

In response to his explaining what he believed to me, I felt this need to respond in kind, backing up my own beliefs and politics with evidence, both experienced and learned indirectly. This is often a difficult task for me, but it was easier in the less personal email message form.

In person or on the phone (especially on the phone), I have a hard time with disagreement or conflict, whether it's political or personal. I get a little nervous at even a hint of judgment from the other party, no matter how close they are to me or how much I know that they will love me regardless of the conflict or perceived conflict at hand. No one (not even my family, my best friends, or you, dear reader) is immune from my nervousness, no matter how inconsequential the conversation or how at ease I usually am.

I try to hide it, but often I can feel the tension between us. The awkward silence, the slow response, my inability to answer or form questions, my sheer discomfort.

One would think I'd have gotten over it by now, what with all my gray hairs popping up and general self-assuredness (yes I made up that word) I have found. But this is still something that I can't control, and happens when I least expect it.

I am working on it, though, I promise.