Silence Broken

Where have I been, you may wonder. True to form, I have been floating along, not recording much to speak of, while some of my journaling heroes continue to reflect on the minuitae that happens every day. I remind myself that when I was 11-12, I got a diary to write my most personal thoughts (just like my friends all had, right?), and I wrote in the first...five?....pages and it was forever unfinished.

But...when you know who and I were first dating, long distance, we wrote in journal form to each other nearly every day.

Well, anyway, "blogging" isn't something I will give myself guilt over. I will write when I want, and if months go by in between, well, so be it. Hopefully those of you who care to read will still check back once in a while.

I've noticed that I actually figure things out a bit better in conversations. I don't want to forget what I realized though, so I'm just recording it after the fact, I suppose. So, on with it...

Realization #1: I think one of the things I need for my "work" to be more fulfilling and less...eh...is to be personally involved. I like getting to know who people really are, and my work to be connected to it somehow. I don't give a fuck about the "professional" personas that everyone has. No one is honest about who they are, at least where I spend many hours of the week. It's why I sometimes envy my sister, who is a hairstylist. Well, disregarding the business aspects she deals with, her job is talking to her clients and working with them to make them happy with their hair. She gets to know them, makes friends, and connects on a personal level. When I worked in child protection, what I liked best was getting to know my clients, even if it was not always in a "friendly" manner. I'm tired of having to wade through the bureaucracy to get things done that don't even matter much to anyone personally.

That being said, I don't really want to have to work in collaboration with too many others at any given time. It just gets too complicated.

So, back to counseling? I do think I'm more prepared than I previously was to enter the field. I decided not to start on a Master's several years back because I was disillusioned with what my life as a therapist might be. Coming from DCF, I imagined counseling court-ordered individuals who would never really do any work, being faced with endless disappointments as I had in protective services (most of my families never changed that much and repeated the same things over and over). But, now I see my perspective was limited.

But is a mental health counseling MA the way to go? Maybe I should examine other arenas? Are there other ways to go about it? I already know I don't especially want to do crisis counseling. I really think helping in relationships would be the best fit (sound familiar? I think I said this 10 years ago even). Maybe I'll go get some counseling myself...