Attraction

What draws us to others is something in them that helps us express something in us. Our friends, lovers, "soul mates," all represent parts of us we want to express more (or less, at times) of. So one may represent our desires for limitless freedom and unbridled passion, another our needs for devotion and stability, and another, and another...you get the idea.

It's important to keep the needs matched to the individuals you choose to meet them.

Lesson learned.

Heart

It's full of scars, mine.
From old surface scratches that add interest and mystery,
Deep gashes, healed over, which nonetheless changed the rhythm,
and fresher wounds that still require care and tending.

awkward: 1. lacking ease or grace 2. lacking social assurance 3. not easy to handle or deal with

Every time I see you photo-flash memories wiz by
when your eyes crinkled when you smiled
your face lit when it caught mine
your touch was comfort, familiar and longing
when words and laughs came easily
and we didn’t run from quiet moments.
doesn't my amygdala know there is an ocean between us now?

My Life in Food

Sunday some dear friends came over and brunched with me. I made quiche, having perfected, I think, my technique. There were potatoes with onions and apples, homemade peach preserves, unbeatable banana bread, and bacon, of course. Everything is better with bacon, I am assured, even though I rarely eat it myself, being a holier than thou ethically superior eater.

Sharing food with friends. It's what I do. It's how I do.

So I have this idea (maybe it was Aida's idea for me) to make it into a book. Creating community through food, or something better as a title. Ideas? It'll have stories with a personal memoir feel, with recipes of mine and friends, of course.

So the quiche - I bought Wild Hog Sausage from the Smokin' mullet, and used some of in the quiche. I should say here that I think the main reason it was so good is because I used high quality ingredients - local unadulterated eggs and milk, fancy parm from wine and cheese gallery, and Wainwright Dairy cheddar (from Lake City - it's amazing), and local organic onions.

I've recently tried melting the cheese into the milk and other ingredients before baking a quiche, and I think it helps it have a better consistency and more unified... cheesiness.

Mushroom Onion and Sausage Quiche:

Pie crust (I use frozen, but you can totally make your own and it'd be that much better)
4 eggs (or more/less depending on size of crust)
milk (whole)
parmigiano and cheddar, grated (maybe 1 cup total, mix up to you, could add swiss too)
Sausage (not much, maybe 2 oz.)
1/2 small container mushrooms
onion (I used yellow, but white or red would be fine too) - maybe 1/4 cup chopped
sage, nutmeg, salt, pepper to taste

1. Pre-bake crusts for about 10 minutes (optional, but I never have half-cooked crust)
2. Meanwhile, brown sausage in a skillet, then add mushrooms, sage (tsp maybe or 1.5 tsp), nutmeg (pinch or two), and pepper. Cook half way, then add onions and cook until both are "done." Add a very little salt.
3. Lower heat, and add some milk (maybe 3/4 cup). Add cheese to melt into milk, stirring frequently.
4. Beat eggs thoroughly with another dash of milk.
5. Once cheese is melted, turn heat off and add eggs, stirring constantly so they don't scramble.
6. Pour filling into crust and bake uncovered for 25-30 minutes.

Carrot Ginger Salad

1. Peel and grate/process most of a bag of carrots (1 lb bag I guess). Grating will produce bigger carrot pieces, but takes longer.
2. Peel ginger chunk and grate/process with the carrots.
3. Use immersion blender to blend juice of one lemon, big spoonful of honey, dash of soy sauce, tsp or so of tahini, and enough sesame oil to double what liquid is there, and a few grinds fresh pepper.
4. Combine in a bowl with a bit of shredded sweetened coconut and some chopped/sliced almonds.

I made this up for work pot-luck today, and it was delicious!

and this one:

another song that makes me cry, though it doesn't seem to fit, it does.

Song that Makes Me Cry Volume 17

I had the CD this is on in the car on my way to work last week sometime. It played in the three minutes before I parked, and like every time I hear it in the last few years, I sobbed like a baby before I got out of the car.

I know my ex-husband is focused very little on feeling sadness or loss, or looking back. Because he is so so happy and in love and nothing can pull him away from that. Well, I'm pretty damned happy too, but I know better than to ignore the tugs that help me grieve, because even if I'm happy, I know that that's far from over.


Break Your Heart
Barenaked Ladies

The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time
I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart

And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true
it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart

And you said
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Curl up and die just because of you?
I'm not that weak, you know
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Try to make you love me as much as I love you?
How could you be so low?
You arrogant man,
What do you think that I am?
My heart will be fine
Just stop wasting my time

And now I know that you'll be okay,
and that I've got what I want,
and that's rid of you
Bye
And it's not 'cause I'll be missing you
That makes me fall apart
It's just that I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
Your heart