My Brilliant Things, inspired by the play, Every Brilliant Thing, by Duncan MacMillan, which I saw in NYC at the Barrow Street Theatre in December 2014. Every Brilliant Thing

1. The scent of jasmine in the air

2. Hugs

3. Being moved by actors

4. Being moved while acting, especially real cries and sobs 

5. The golden ribbon of swirling honey into tea 

6. Showers

7. Kissing a lover after being apart for a length of time

8. Poems that hit you in the gut 

9. Staying up all night laughing

10. New haircuts

11. Babies laughing 

12. Toddlers dancing

13. Surprises

14. When a party guest secretly cleans the kitchen for you 

15. Bonfires

16. When you're swimming, and you suddenly feel the current go down your leg 

17. Compliments by strangers (non-creepy ones)

18. When a story you're reading suddenly has a plot point taken from your own life. 

19. The existence of doppelgängers. 

20. Crunching acorns under foot

21. Orgasms - the little ones and big ones and those you work hard for and those that take you by surprise

22. Tears of joy

23. Tubing the river

24. Music

25. The sound of bamboo wind chimes

26. Foot massages

27. Cheese

28. Walking on cork

29. Being picked up in a hug by a much larger friend

30. Laughing after good sex - like you just got away with something 

31. Realizing on Thursday that Friday is a holiday you have off work

32. Picnics with friends 

33. When you try a new food or drink and you LOVE it

34. Elderly couples flirting with each other, especially if they're a little dirty

35. Finding an amazing bargain

36. Miniature farm animals

37. Floating on a raft in the ocean

38. Stories that are too crazy to be true, but are

39. Trees that have a "room" in the middle to hide in

40. Fireflies

41. When kids say things way more maturely than you expect

42. Sunlight dancing on the ocean

43. Flan

44. Bubbles

45. Flowers that look like animals and vice versa

46. The feeling you get when you hear the first chords of a beloved song

47. Hitting the high note

48. Being told I look like my grandmother

49. When my cat leans on my head

50. The moment the béchamel comes together

51. Cats' chins

52. Super soft blankets

53. Glow in the dark star stickers

Curry

I made this delicious Curry last night for my girlfriend, Samantha, who also read some of my blog for the first time ("how did I not know you had a blog?"). It's been a while since I posted anything, and I like to record good recipes somewhere, so why not here?

Veggie Potato Curry - I didn't have cilantro, but if I did I would have added it.

2 yellow onions (small ones)
2 sweet potatoes
3 small red potatoes
1 red bell pepper
handful of baby eggplants
1 zucchini
1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed well
1 can coconut milk
1.5 tbsp tomato paste
1 can diced tomatoes (or fresh)
2 big tbsp curry powder
1 tsp ginger
salt and pepper
2 tbsp creamy peanut butter
juice of half a lime
light squirt of sriracha

I dice the potatoes and veggies as I go into about the same size chunks.
In a small amount of olive or peanut oil, cook the diced potatoes and sweet potatoes a few minutes.
Chop onions and add them to pan with a good amount of salt.
Chop and add eggplant.
Chop and add pepper and zucchini.
Add curry powder, ginger, pepper, tomato paste, chickpeas, coconut milk, and tomatoes. Mix well.
Let simmer for 20-25 minutes. Add sriracha and peanut butter, mix well.
Add lime (and cilantro) at the end just before serving.

We ate it stew-style in bowls, but rice or quinoa would work with it too.

Good Fight

After I had gone to bed last night, but before I fell asleep, my lover came home from his adventures with friends. I asked what they had done and if he had fun, and his reply left me with mild disappointment that I was not present for all the adventures.

Now, we are both independent creatures, and want for each other to have fun and exciting adventures with or without the other. My expression to him of my disappointment was met with flippant dismissal, due to this very fact. It hurt my feelings and made me feel ridiculous for feeling the mild disappointment, and I let him know that it was not the appropriate response.

He said he wouldn’t take responsibility for my disappointment and felt I was asking him to with my expression of it. He felt flippancy was not disrespectful and his intention was never to hurt my feelings. I said I didn’t need him to take responsibility, but that I would like comfort or just a statement that it would have been nice if I had been there, rather than a reply that made me feel foolish. I said that in the same situation, I would have wanted him to be with me. He replied that our lives are more intertwined than he has ever experienced in a romantic relationship before, and his independent nature would be threatened had I a need to share every aspect of his life. I replied that I had no such need, and that in the reverse situation, I would want him there not to share every part of my life, but that my desire is to always share “the best” parts. With that I won the argument and he said (after congratulating me for winning :)) he would be more diligent about not being dismissive when I need him to be soothing. 

Neither of us ran from the argument, neither became hysterical or irrational, and we expressed our feelings and intentions and corrected misunderstandings as we talked. It was a minor argument, which gave us an opportunity to strengthen our bond. I am grateful for it and hope every argument is as nice.

Other people's parties

There are people in the periphery of my life that wish I would just go away. I appear where they are and they wish I didn't, or they would like to leave but are too proud to do so, or they silently steam and then later attack me anonymously to others or on the internet. In these situations I try my best to go with the flow, be polite if interaction surfaces, have fun anyway, or leave if I need to. I wish for my former lovers and friends, and their current lovers and friends, happiness in their lives and the ability to let go of resentments. I have. Though I have places in my heart for everyone I have loved, and wish on some level they'd be comfortable relating to me in some small way, I do not need them to, nor do I seek it. Forgiveness is hard-won and worth the exchange, even if the dialogue is internal.

a poem

i fall in love without touching
a million words
a hundred or more looks
a secret heart grows slowly, imperceptibly,
unnoticed
until the outer shell shatters, leaving a larger heart,
and then there is nothing left to do but touch
but this new heart is so raw and swollen
the slightest touch leaves it quivering

today in local government

email conversation following back and forth and finally approval of the form used to submit my grant to the higher-ups for approval:

coworker: Where is the grant application to attach?
me: in your box :)
coworker: Thank you. Maybe I should get up and look.
me: That made me laugh, which I needed. Thanks. :)

I cracked up at my desk. yup.

Attraction

What draws us to others is something in them that helps us express something in us. Our friends, lovers, "soul mates," all represent parts of us we want to express more (or less, at times) of. So one may represent our desires for limitless freedom and unbridled passion, another our needs for devotion and stability, and another, and another...you get the idea.

It's important to keep the needs matched to the individuals you choose to meet them.

Lesson learned.